Today's Thoughts

 

My last blog generated a couple interesting replies both on the blog-page and in personal emails I’ve received.  Just to be clear, at this time I’ve decided not to have pan-cancer testing done.  There are a few confusing things about this testing that I didn’t blog about, but the bottom line is that for right now, I’ve decided that I don’t want to know if I have a resistant tumor type.  I understand from replies and emails that a couple of friends would choose a different action…and I am very respectful.  For me…I’ve met with some pretty damn smart and experienced lung cancer specialists who have encouraged me to wait on this testing. Plus, if I have a resistant tumor, for now I like the thought that I’m trying to fight it.  It’s terrifying to me to think what I might do if I learn I have a resistant type…throw in the towel?  I have my second chemo session this coming Thursday, and a couple weeks after that, I will be re-scanned to see if the chemo regiment I’m on is working, or not.  (I’m terrified of that, too.)  Fortunately for those of us with lung cancer, if the first line chemotherapies don’t work, there are other drugs to try. 

I gather that a couple of you are thinking that I need to have conversations about my plans if things don’t go as I hope they will.  Rest assured, Wynn and I have; we are both hopeful realists.  We know there is no cure for me.  For right now, he and I are focusing our hopes and energies on trying to find a treatment that will work for me to get more time together, with Nathan and Nina, our families and friends.  I am very comfortable with this position for now since I was only diagnosed 4 weeks ago.  As I continue on this unexpected journey, that may change.  Wynn and I have talked about the need to continually assess and re-assess. So talk of plans for palliative care, etc. are being deferred until a later time because we are choosing to be hopeful. 

 About the wig:   I re-scheduled my hair buzzing and wig pick-up appointment to next Saturday.  Soon after my head started to tingle, it stopped and it hasn’t progressed to aching yet.  So far, my hair hasn’t starting falling out faster than usual – so I decided to eek out another week with my own hair.