When the Going Gets Tough...

 

…the Tough Go Skiing!  Earlier this week, for the first time this year, our area got enough snow to cross country ski.  The first day, Wynn went out with our cycling/skiing buddies, Ann and Mike, without me.  Hearing how beautiful it was in the forest, I wanted to go out so badly.  So, the next day, Wynn, Brigid and I went out.  I wasn’t able to go far or fast, but being out skiing on a crisp, winter day did me a lot of good.  It was great…Brigid stayed with me and Wynn could take off, here and there, for a quick aerobic burst.  For that time, I didn’t feel sick. Can you imagine...I didn't feel like I have cancer?!  Amazing.

Two days later, Wynn and I skied again.  I know that Wynn loves to get a good workout when he goes out to ski, but he stayed with me and barely broke a sweat.  I love my husband.

A Visit from UC Berkeley Pals

This past weekend, two dear friends, Annie and Stefanie, from graduate school came to visit me.  Since our days at Cal, we have made the point of seeing each other and staying close.  We had a wonderfully low key, but very fun time together.  Laughing a lot is always requisite.  Along with Brigid, Jerry and Cathy, we all watched the Super Bowl game, rooting for the 49ers…except Nathan.  Everyone cooked, (except me) and we all ate too much.

I Wish I Had Better News Today

This morning I had CT scans of my chest, abdomen and pelvis to see the status of the tumors in my lung, liver, and bones.  I’ve been feeling better the past week and the hope was that the chemotherapies I’ve been getting were shrinking my tumors.  Wynn, Nathan, Nina and I then went to see my local oncologist late in the afternoon to get the results of my scans.  Unfortunately, I did not get good news.  Although the primary tumor in my lung shrank, the lesions in my liver and bones are bigger and more numerous. 

Next Steps:

So the sobering reality is that I need to set myself up for clinical trials, which are therapies that are offered only under strict research protocols. I will start a new chemotherapy next Thursday, which will work to preserve my liver.  In the mean time, I will have another liver biopsy, probably tomorrow, which will be tested for information needed to help my doctors choose the best chemos to try next and help me decide the best clinical trial to choose down the road. 

Given that I am likely going to enter a research protocol at some point, I thought I’d let you know that my family is participating in Cycle for Survival, a fund raiser for Memorial Sloan-Kettering, a nationally known cancer research center.  Along with other family members, Wynn, Nathan, and Nina will be cycling for me at the Equinox Fitness Center in Chicago on February 9^th, to raise dollars for researchers who are looking for new therapies for all cancer patients, including me.  

This link will bring you to my family’s page if you’d like to make a donation:

http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR/CycleforSurvival/AG_Cycle_Event?px=2422698&pg=personal&fr_id=1814

Thank you to all our friends and family members who have been an incredible support system to me, Wynn and Nathan and Nina. We love you all!

He Said Just the Right Thing

         This past weekend, one of my oldest and dearest friends came to visit me.  Anita and I met when we were 4 yrs. old at Sunday school.  [Along with our mutual friend, Stacy, we have known each other for 50 years!]  Anita and I talked, laughed and cried.  Oh…and we shopped.  We both like Eileen Fisher so we went to the outlet before she left to drive back to Iowa.  While there I found a pair of boots that I really liked and wanted.  The only problem was, even though we were at the outlet, they were still too expensive for my blood.  Anita did her best to talk me into getting them.  She even told me of a specific outfit I have that would be great with the boots.  But, I just couldn’t do it and I walked out without them.  

         Shortly after saying ‘good-bye’ to Anita and leaving the store, Wynn called me while I was driving home.   Here’s how that conversation went:

Wynn:  “Hi…where are you?”

Me:  “I’m on my way home, grieving over a pair of boots that were too expensive to buy. “

Wynn:  “How much?”

Me:  “$XXX”  (I'm not posting how much 'cause it's embarrassing)

Wynn:  “Oooo.  If you think you’ll wear them a lot, get ‘em.”

Me:  “Well…I would wear them a lot, but really…at this stage in my life…how long will I really wear them?”

Wynn:  “What are you talking about…just get ‘em.”

Me:  “Yeah…but if I was totally well, I wouldn’t spend that much.”

Wynn:  “Just get ‘em, and I’ll bury you in them.”

Me:  “Promise?”

Wynn:  “Promise.”

So, I turned around and bought them.  Aren’t they cute?!  

Tomorrow is my scan...I'll be in touch.

Comment Problem Fixed

Sorry about any difficulties readers have experienced trying to leave a comment on my blog.  I changed some settings so I hope that takes care of the problems.  Please leave your comments...I love hearing from you.

Uninteresting Update

Today has been a good one.  The first two days after my second chemo session weren’t bad at all, but days 3-5 were pretty challenging.  The nausea and fatigue were indescribable.  However, today, I feel much better…only mild nausea, minimal fatigue, mild liver discomfort and minor bone pain.  I was hoping that after my second chemo session I would be able to figure out some sort of pattern, but so far, it seems like I need to plan to be out-of-commission for about 5 days afterwards.

It’s my understanding that chemotherapy treatments are cumulative, so I can expect to have a longer recovery with each treatment.  I’ve been told that the post-chemo liver discomfort may be a ‘sign’ that the medications are working on the liver tumors…so I suppose I should be glad :/   

Two good things:  My hair is still on my head and the fuzzy spot in my right eye seems to show up less frequently. 

Next week I’m scheduled for CT scans to see if my chemo treatments are helping.  I probably won’t blog until after that.  Thanks for reading, everyone.

Down and Ups

Ahhhh, cancer…the gift that keeps on giving. 

A couple of weeks ago I noticed that I had a small area in my right eye that would sometimes get fuzzy.  It comes and goes and initially I thought I had a smudge on my glasses.  After realizing that something was going on with my vision, I mentioned it to my oncologist.  He reminded me that one of the medications I’m on, Avastin, decreases the blood supply to my tumors and one of the side effects is vision changes because Avastin can act on the vessels in my eyes.  He recommended an evaluation with an ophthalmologist, which I did last Tuesday.  I’ve been found to have what are called cotton-wool spots on my retina, which are white puffy areas of inflammation.  Although seen in diabetics and those with uncontrolled high blood pressure, a rarer association is in folks with metastatic cancer.  That would be me.  The ophthalmologist didn’t think it was associated with Avastin because the vessels on and around my retina look healthy and Avastin is used in the eyes of diabetic patients.  So the thought is that if my chemotherapy is working, these cotton-wool spots may arrest or even get better.  However, if the chemotherapy doesn’t work, I may slowly lose my vision.  Nice, huh.  Could I please catch an f-ing break!  It’s taken me a few days to write about this because of all the shitty information I’ve received about my cancer, this one hit me pretty hard.  I have a follow-up appointment with my ophthalmologist and may see a retina specialist sometime soon.

A couple of days after I learned about my eyes, I was told that my liver enzymes had improved – which gave me/us hope that my chemotherapy is working.  If I had to guess, I think the fuzzy spot in my right eye that comes and goes, hasn’t been there as much – another good sign.  Please continue to wish me luck.

The other good thing is that my hair hasn't been falling out yet and I postponed my wig pick-up for another week.  So by my count, one bad, really bad, piece of news about my eyes gets balanced by good news about my liver enzymes and no hair loss yet.  That's one bad to two good.  I win!

[BTW local friends and family:  The ophthalmologist says that my vision hasn’t changed and that it’s safe for me to be driving.]