Learning to Find a Purpose

     Aside from being a lung cancer ninja, I've been a genetic counselor for 35 years.  I love my job.  I don't have any difficulty getting my morning routine going so I can get to work because I enjoy being there.  Up until 8 months ago, I was working with a medical geneticist in a Pediatric Genetics Clinic.  When the medical geneticist retired last summer, I was moved to Maternal Fetal Medicine.  I now see pregnant women who are at an increased risk for having a baby with a problem.  On most days, I'm able to give my patients reassuring information that their baby appears just fine.  But because Maternal Fetal Medicine practices see 'high risk' pregnant mothers, the nature of our business is a poignant reminder that things don't always go well. However, I feel that the work my team does makes a positive difference in the lives of our patients.  


     This past week I saw a patient that is making a difference in my life.  I've been thinking about her for days now and feel a need to write down what she said to me...words that I cannot get out of my head...and my heart.  


      This patient was added to my schedule the day before I saw her, referred to us in her 2nd trimester because she had an abnormal prenatal blood screen and abnormal ultrasound findings that were seen on an exam in her regular OB's office.  She and her husband are in their 40's and they have two healthy children, (one in grade school and one in junior high). Although this was an unexpected pregnancy, they were happy to welcome another child into their family.  The patient let me know, early-on into our meeting, that she and her husband are "very religious."  

      Among many issues, we talked about her abnormal screening result and the abnormal ultrasound findings in the report from her OB.  It's not unusual for parents, in their effort to be hopeful and optimistic, to seem as if they are not grasping the gravity of the situation.  I knew and felt how difficult it was for them to re-hear bad news.  I knew how difficult it was to process the words that were being said.  My heart ached as I watched and listened to this couple, across the desk from me, vacillate from asking appropriate, thoughtful questions to making irrational, irrelevant statements.  

     Following my meeting with them, they were going to have an ultrasound by our high risk obstetrician, so before they left my office, I said to them, as gently as I could, "Because of the abnormal screening test, the high calculated risk for a chromosome abnormality, along with the significant ultrasound findings, we are very concerned about the viability of this pregnancy."  After a long pause, the patient again said, "We are very religious."  Then she said to me...

      "We have two beautiful children at home and we've had three miscarriages.  We gave up on another baby because we thought we were just too old.  When I got pregnant, it brought my husband and me closer together.  Then when we found out there could be problems, my husband and I got even closer.  When we shared our news with our family, our family got closer and when we shared our news with our religious community, our community got closer.  So...if this baby dies...it had a purpose."

      These words have moved through my mind, body, and soul ever since she said them.  They reflect her wisdom and her ability to find meaning while on a most difficult and painful journey.  I was slow to react to her words.  I was only able to nod in understanding because I couldn't find the right words at that moment.  I don't know how she thinks I took them, but I wish there was a way that I could tell her how much she has moved me and how grateful I am that our paths crossed. 

     It's not possible for me to think about what she said without reflecting upon my own situation.  Her words are making me deliberate deeply and broadly, and I really hope that I am able to use this pearl of wisdom to help me find meaning and purpose, as I travel on my own journey.