Rest In Peace Mom

Nina, my mom, her younger sister, and me

     On December 31, 2022 my mother, Rumi Okada, peacefully died in our home.  She was 94 years old. Until August of 2020, she lived close by in her townhouse with a full-time caregiver.  During the early part of the pandemic, when I was so concerned that I'd bring COVID19 to her, I minimized contact with her.  This was a far departure from my regular visits, meals and outings with her.  The isolation accelerated her decline, and because of the high infection and death rates in senior care facilities, I could not, in good conscience, consider that as an option for her.  Wynn and I had moved to a single story house in June of 2020, so a couple months later, we moved my mother and her caregiver in with us.  We are fortunate that our house was an ideal setting.  Along with full-time caregivers and hospice, I believe we were able to meet my mom's end-of-life needs.  She was a gracious guest in our home.  She never complained. And I was always so grateful that she didn't devolve into the angry, cranky old person that we've all heard about.  She remained remarkably pleasant until the end.  The week before she died was difficult because she was so uncomfortable.  The hospice nurses were so helpful in figuring out a medication regimen that worked to keep her comfortable the last few days.  It is with sadness and relief for her, in equal measure, that I bid her farewell. 

With my mom & Nathan

     One of her caregivers expressed some disappointment that my mother didn't make it into the New Year.  And although my initial thought was..."That's so dumb", as I thought about it more, it brought up a childhood memory that I haven't thought about in years...decades.  I'm dubious that my mom was conscious of the date, but if she was, her death on the last day of the year was consistent with her traditions.

 

 

     When I was a child, every year after Christmas, she and I would have a discussion about when to take down the Christmas tree.  In her family traditions, the week between Christmas and New Year's Day was the time to thoroughly clean house...think "spring cleaning".  The goal was to also have the Christmas tree and decorations packed away by New Year's Eve, so that we'd start the New Year with a clean, fresh house.  At that time, I was in Sunday school
learning about the details of how Christians celebrate the season.  Each year I would tell my Mom that we needed to keep the Christmas tree up until January 6th, Epiphany - aka Three Kings Day.  On this day the three wise men came to see Jesus and brought him gifts - gold, frankincense, and myrrh.  One year when having the annual discussion and disagreement, (I don't remember how old I was, but I know I was still in grade school), my mother quietly and firmly said to me, "The wise men know that baby Jesus is not at Luna's house."  I remember laughing at the time, and this memory still makes me smile.  So...it makes sense to me that she died on the last day of 2022, so that I/we could start 2023 fresh and unburdened by her care.

On a walk with my Mom and Wynn

     I have many sweet memories of my mother.  And although she was very old and not well for a long time, it's always hard to lose a parent.    

 

Mom...Rest in Peace